What Grounds Us?
November 29, 2020 Rev. Janet Parsons, Charles Nazarian, Lucille LePage
Rev. Janet
It’s hard, during this year like none other in our lifetimes, to hold on to what centers us. I am reminded frequently of the well-known line in William Butler Yeats’ poem “The Second Coming:” “Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.” Surely as we have weathered the pandemic, the unrest and protests in the spring, and the recent election, we have wondered if the country’s center, and indeed our own, can hold.
So today we ask the question: what grounds us? What helps us to hold on, to stay in the present moment, to find our way back to the center of our beings?
There are many answers to that question, and we will be hearing a number of them in today’s service. I invited a number of you to participate in this service; to share your own thoughts about what we find grounding, or to find and read some thoughts of others. You will hear thoughts about meditation, or finding stillness in nature. We’ll discuss spiritual practices, and hope, and gratitude. I hope that you will join us on Zoom after the service to share your own thoughts about what helps to keep you grounded.
I wanted to begin by sharing an unusual spiritual practice with you. It turns out that there is an app for smartphones (because there must be an app for everything by now) that is very simple. All it does, five times each day, is remind you that you are going to die. That’s it. Five times each day, at random times, you receive a message letting you know that you are going to die. I am not making this up. The app is called WeCroak. Its intention is to return you to the present by reminding you that ultimately nothing you are experiencing at that moment is very important, or permanent. Deadlines? A fender bender? “Let it go,” is the message. “Someday you are going to die.” And why five times? According to the developers, there is an ancient Bhutanese folk saying that in order to be happy, you should contemplate death five times every day.
So that you won’t think I am making this up, I checked in with a friend who has been using WeCroak for about a year. I asked her whether she finds it useful. “Yes,” she replied. “I consider it a spiritual practice because it helps me reflect on and appreciate the present.”
I share this with you to help you to open your minds and hearts to what you might hear in this hour. Everyone has ways to ground themselves, to find their center. Perhaps you haven’t thought much of your own. Perhaps if you were asked you might not think that your way is worth mentioning. But to carry on through these times we are living in, we need to feel grounded, to have ways to return to the center of our being. There are many ways, as you will hear.
Let’s begin now, to share, and absorb, and reflect.
Reading A Center, by Ha Jin Peggy
You must hold your quiet center,
where you do what only you can do.
If others call you a maniac or a fool,
just let them wag their tongues.
If some praise your perseverance,
don’t feel too happy about it—
only solitude is a lasting friend.
You must hold your distant center.
Don’t move even if earth and heaven quake.
If others think you are insignificant,
that’s because you haven’t held on long enough.
As long as you stay put year after year,
eventually you will find a world
beginning to revolve around you.
REFLECTION ON GRATITUDE, Charles L. Nazarian, 11-29-20
Over the past year virtually everyone has experienced heightened anxiety, uncertainty and stress. The constant bombardment of news about the virus, about ingrained racial injustice, the demonization of groups of citizens against each other, of so many people losing their jobs, and the demoralizing circus that has become the sad political norm over the past four years has worn us down.
From the start of the pandemic, our daily consciousness changed. Although the majority of our congregation is of an age where we have acknowledged our mortality and almost certainly been through the process of having friends and loved ones become ill and pass away; before Covid most of us used to regard death as something far off. Suddenly it became a reality that our lives could end in a matter of days or weeks and under terrible circumstances of isolation.
Perhaps many of you reacted as I have done: quickly getting our wills and financial affairs in order; cleaning out the house of accumulated clutter; reaching out to people with whom we may have unresolved issues; and becoming at times tragicomically hypochondriac about an extra morning cough, a scratchy throat or wondering if a normal sweat is the sign of a fever. And if we have real physical ailments that needed attention, wondering if it was even safe to visit the doctor or a hospital. It is no wonder that the all the counsellors and therapists have been flat out since February!
However, despite ever-present danger of the virus finding us despite all of our precautions and the genuine fear that our democracy cannot long survive this onslaught of lies, intimidation and willingness of so many of our fellow citizens to believe in conspiracies and unfounded plots, it does now appear that the tide could really be turning…if ever so slowly and with no certainty day to day…hope for a vaccine and a new administration provides some welcome light on the horizon.
We have been and are in for a long period of personal and national transition. By their nature, transitions are chaotic and confusing. Psychologists tell us that it is human nature to want to avoid them and many people, when they become aware that things are in flux, just want to get through the process as quickly as possible to feel stable again.
But wise counsellors also tell us that transitions are important times for self-discovery, realizing that some things must end, and there can be great newfound strength, resilience and personal insight as a result of going through this often painful time of uncertainty, whether individually or as a society. But it is very hard to feel grateful for the experience when your world is turned upside down! We often don’t realize that the parts within us that are upset in transitions can also be the source of greater understanding and healing.
A wise person suggested that I try using meditation on daily basis as one way to dig deeper and learn to flow better with the anxiety, uncertainty and stress. I was dealing with some genuine and painful health issues that were, in part, brought on by the emotional ones…and looking for relief. Like many people, I resisted the idea of meditating…did I really need something else to practice?
But a friend suggested that I try very helpful app called Ten Percent Happiness…and frankly I really started to look forward to my 9:00pm reminder on the i-phone! The modest idea is that even if meditation only helps your life to feel 10 percent that it is worth the effort.
The leaders are very aware of our resistance…there are even a few guided meditation for people who don’t want to meditate! They bring humor and compassion to the pain we may be experiencing. Along the way one can sometimes pick up a golden nugget of insight that stays with you. I am grateful for those, and the calm that mindfulness can bring to our troubled spirits within.
One of the leaders, Sebene Hilassie, seemed to be talking directly to me in her guided meditations and her wisdom… as a transplanted child from Ethiopia to a bewildering American culture where she never felt like she fit in, and a 3-time cancer survivor…shined through each one I followed. One can feel that this is a person who had discovered gratitude through her difficulties and that there is healing power in what she shares. I am especially grateful for her insights.
Of course, we all need to be reminded of the many blessings we enjoy such as the natural beauty of Cape Ann, the caring community we share as a Church and as neighbors on this island, and even in a pandemic lockdown the simple pleasures of eating a good meal, listening to a music that lifts us up…and in the most basic matter of life…the joy in breathing. We also can remember the parents, teachers and loved ones who helped to shape our lives. In the present time we can be grateful for so many things despite our worries: a kind word of encouragement from somebody or the familiar, comforting tastes of a Thanksgiving turkey dinner.
What you might find strange and counter-intuitive, is that I have also come to be grateful for some of the voices within that I wished would just go away! This is the theme of a counselling system called Internal Family Systems by Richard Schwarz. Rather that fighting or trying to repress feelings of stress, anxiety or anger, this approach asks us to recognize those voices as parts of us that are protectors…and to even honor them. It is such a weird idea to most of us!
So, for example, if you are feeling anxious about the well-being or your family or yourself, rather than trying to bury that anxiousness, try to listen to the warning is may be signaling. That part may be trying to make you more aware of things you can change for them or for you to be safer. Perhaps there are some things you can do in response that are positive and we can thank that anxiety for making us find ways to reduce risk of harm. That is something to be grateful for!
Of maybe you are stressed out about your workload and how to cope with everything you feel you have to do with a deadline, combined with all the pressures around you? Perhaps with the pandemic and our political situation you feel easily overwhelmed and stressed out. Rather than wish the stress go away…which can show itself physically in all kinds of ways like a tight chest, stiff neck or unease doing a familiar task…make some quiet time and try listening to those parts. They can be your protectors, perhaps warning you to ease up, slow down, be to more gentle to your psyche and your body at the same time. Stress is a part of life. Like the receptors that hurt when your hand feels something hot, stress is guiding you to pull away. We all know how important that is!
Or maybe there are parts of you that feel guilty for things you might have done differently in your life, like an unresolved relationship with hurt on both sides. That voice may be saying your time now can be short, reach out to the person and at the risk of being hurt again, see if you can share the love you may still feel for each other despite your differences.
Or it can be something in our present circumstances. For example, early in the summer my sister Lillian and I met after the lockdown at her summer cottage on Crystal Lake in New Hampshire…a place of wonderful family memories and incredible beauty. We wore masks but in the small space of the cottage plus eating together, even outside, we knew there virus risks. One evening I became very upset and could not sleep because one of my guilt voices could not cope with the idea that I could infect her unknowingly and cause her death. It was deeply painful, but it led to a deep discussion between us and forgiveness, in advance, if such a thing were to happen. So even guilt…and let me tell you Armenian guilt is powerful!!!…can be a protective and positive part of us. So as strange as it may seem I am grateful for it.
At this time of transition, where there is real hope for better days ahead, let’s remind ourselves not only to be grateful for of our many blessings but also recognize that painful experiences are often necessary to healing and growth. We are grateful of the many things that help ground us, to heal and to grow. See if you can carry that feeling of gratitude like a wreath of your head with you as you go through your day.
Reflections shared by Lucille LePage in the November 29 online service
Good morning! I’ve been asked to share briefly a few thoughts on methods that help me to be mentally “grounded”. It’s a bit ironic that the concept of “grounding” isn’t easy to define or to “pin down”. We are likely to know it when we have it, but it’s an elusive thing to put into words. To me, being grounded is essentially having my spiritual feet on something like firm ground, and feeling centered and oriented. Though the real world and its troubles don’t go away, groundedness offers me a calm sense of strength and wholeness that can be helpful as I engage with life’s challenges.
For what they are worth, here are a few of my strategies for getting or staying grounded:
Trying to be mindful, and trying not to rush.
Resting, exercising and eating my vegetables. (OK, plus a certain amount of ice cream.)
Laughing.
Listening to music.
Looking up at the sky. (It’s paradoxical for this to foster grounding, I know – but it does.)
Reading.
Listening to myself, honoring my needs, feelings and limits, and saying no when necessary.
Walking, especially near trees and the ocean.
Being grateful for the ability to walk, and so many other blessings.
Singing (I can do this because there’s no one in my space that might be endangered by my droplets or the sound of my singing!)
But at the top of my list is meditating. Though there are many methods, my own way of meditating is also a form of prayer. For me, it’s an effort to spend time in the presence of what many people would call God and that I think of as the Spirit of goodness. It’s a listening rather than a speaking type of prayer. I simply sit, breathe, and empty my mind, and open it. What tends to come is a restored sense of connection with that Spirit and my own still center, in which I belong and am whole. I am deeply and powerfully grounded.
And being grounded in turn helps me to connect in positive ways with other people. Especially now, when so many activities that normally connect all of us are impossible, I don’t have to look far to find people who might welcome a phone call, card, email, socially distanced visit, or errand. Here, too, listening works well. And though I might initiate these connections out of a wish to be helpful to others, it turns out that the connections are ultimately at least as beneficial to me as they are to the other person. Among the many benefits, these connections help to keep me grounded.
There are some common threads in my grounding practices. One of the big ones is the power of listening. Another is the interesting fact that most of them involve connections of one kind or another: to nature, ideas, beauty, love, goodness, myself, other people, and more. It’s also interesting that the process does often work in a circular way: being grounded fosters good connections, and good connections foster groundedness.
I believe sustaining forces are always there, for us to connect to, to help ground us. Thank goodness!
I wish such connections for all of us, especially when we need them most.
Be good to yourself.
