Radical Gratitude
Kelly Knox
“There is great joy in an unworn path” – this is according to Lord Byron – a poet from the 16th and early 17th century. He shared this with me from the other side via an herbal tea bag.
An unworn path however, often causes great fear and anxiety. Where’s the joy in that? How do we move from fear and anxiety to Lord Byron’s claim of joy?
Well, maybe we can move through this unworn Covid path with quotes – because I’ve another. David Steindle Rast, a Benedictine Monk who recited his poem A Good Day earlier, told Krista Tippett during an interview on NPR, that “Joy is the happiness that doesn’t depend on what happens.”
Joy is the happiness that doesn’t depend on what happens.
Well that’s dandy and kind of confusing. What I’ve come up with is that happiness is an emotion whereas joy has the hallmarks of a way of being and according to Steindle Rast, we can create a joyful baseline through the practice of gratitude.
The way I see it, there is predictable gratitude and there is radical gratitude.
Predictable Gratitude.
Someone you love hears back from their oncologist that they’re five years free of cancer. You share your joy together with fits of laughter.
Your doorbell rings, you open the door, it’s your child in their Marine Uniform. You had no idea they were coming home. Your heart fills as you sob and embrace.
Those are natural reactions to circumstance. Predictable Gratitude.
But how do you feel and react when your friend is diagnosed with cancer or your child leaves for a war-torn country? Tap into that fear and anxiety, those unknowns. Was gratitude woven into the fear and sadness? Is that even possible?
I believe it is.
Let’s call it Radical Gratitude – how do we cultivate Radical Gratitude.
All of us have embarked on an unworn path with an unknown destination.
For myself, the consequences of the Coranavirus has, at times, left me feeling a little dark. Living alone made it worse. So, I’ve moved myself and Claire the Cat to Boston, with my sister, her wife, my niece from another sister, Hercules the Cat, and Roxie the Dog. Together, we sit on the rim of the well of darkness and fish for fallen light. It is a tight fit, but it is much more fun than fishing alone. For that I am grateful.
Do we have to choose between gratitude and feeling the horrors bestowed upon us by the Coronavirus? Of course not. Can we be emotionally pained and grateful? Or do we have to choose to feel one then the other – like a ping pong match.
During the NPR interview I mentioned earlier Krista contemplates the psalms, “It seems to me that the psalms provide such a rich demonstration of gratitude, [it] is woven into almost every psalm in some way, right? But it is held together with an expression of every conceivable human emotion. Anger, Fury, murderous fury, a sense of injustice, an unfairness and despair and sadness and disappointment. And the gratitude is still there as kind of an insistence. It’s more resilient than the circumstances of the moment, right?.”
The psalms offer Radical Gratitude as an equanimous gratitude. If joy were a balloon Radical Gratitude would be its helium. It instills a seamless sense of joy regardless of circumstances. Developing a practice of Radical Gratitude can be a salve for our difficult emotional responses to this unprecedented time of uncertainty and can help us shape our new normal.
Do we say we are grateful for covid-19? No. Do we say we are grateful for the confusion emanating from our highest leaders? No.
What we do say is, I have cried a bathtub full of tears for the multi-layered damage this virus is causing AND I am grateful for the beauty of the flowering dogwood tree. We say, I am appalled during every. Single. Whitehouse Press conference AND I am grateful for the love of my family.
Rick and Forrest Hanson share four steps that help cultivate gratitude in their book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength and Happiness.
1. Being thankful. The Hansons say it is not about denying reality “it is about “appreciating what is also true: such as flowers and sunlight, paper clips and fresh water, the kindness of others, easy access to knowledge and wisdom and light at the flick of a switch.” They suggest keeping a gratitude journal and taking a few moments to experience the joy being grateful offers.
2. Simple pleasures. Even when things are at their most difficult and pleasure seems a luxury, we need to take time for pleasure. It can be as simple as enjoying a cold glass of water on a hot day or a 10 minute walk around the block. It can be scheduling an hour to paint, draw, write, or do whatever fills you with a sense of pleasure. Keep a pleasure diary and fill it with things that you enjoy.
3. Feeling successful. Getting out of bed, eating breakfast, sending an email, calling a friend. Redefining success allows makes each step to any goal a success. Eating soup involves smaller steps – holding the spoon, dipping it in the bowl, bringing it to the lips – each is a success because one cannot happen without the other.
4. Being Happy for Others. Sometimes it’s not so easy. We tend to measure ourselves against others and disappointment and envy can easily take hold. If we take a moment and focus on the blessings we have received, the joys we have experienced, and recognize nothing any one else has can take that from us, we have begun the process.
Resilient is a wonderful and easy to read book and I wholeheartedly suggest it to anyone looking to develop a core of calm strength and happiness.
Regardless of where or how you start, it is undeniable that beginning a practice of gratitude will improve how you experience joy in your life.
I can promise you this, as Covid-19 breaks our old normal and the unworn path we walk shapes a new one, if we believe that it’s not just another day and that it’s the only gift that we have right now, the grace of gratitude will show us that joy is the happiness that doesn’t depend on what happens.
