Offering Belonging ©
Reverend Janet Parsons
Gloucester UU Church
September 17, 2023
A bit of a kerfuffle erupted at the Unitarian Universalist Association this past week. In its effort to welcome everyone into a new church year, the Communications staff at the UUA posted a very controversial statement that created something of a firestorm. Perhaps you saw it. It said,
“How is your congregation preparing to welcome newcomers at the start of the church year?
You’ll feel at home in a UU congregation if you’re looking for a space in which you can be open and be your true self. We honor all people for who they are, regardless of their actions and decisions…”. (UUA Facebook post, September 12, 2023)
Over 200 comments later, one thing became abundantly clear: that our emphasis on radical hospitality is confusing enough that sometimes even the staff doesn’t fully grasp the nuances.
Do we really welcome everyone, as the Facebook post said, ‘regardless of their actions and decisions?’
Well, no, we don’t. Nor should we. There are some limits around that.
We want to be welcoming, certainly. And we have long prided ourselves on creating a big tent: where people of varied religious beliefs and political beliefs can come together in community and be safe and comfortable. And make no mistake about it: as we saw this week, this is hard work.
We have to ask ourselves: is it our goal to make everyone feel that they belong, regardless of their actions? What happens when someone’s actions – suppose someone walks in here with a handgun – conflicts with someone else’s sense of safety?
It was that question that we have come to be much more sensitive to in recent years. Certainly the world doesn’t feel as safe as it once did. And perhaps it never has been safe, but some of us had the privilege of convincing ourselves it was. We gather in spaces such as this, which we name as ‘sanctuaries’. We seek out places for ourselves that feel safe because we are among those we like to call ‘like-minded’. But of course, today, we are acutely aware of the deep divisions in our society, and the increasing willingness of some people to act violently. And so, claiming that we welcome you regardless of your actions and decisions doesn’t ring true.
And the question, of course, becomes this: where should a congregation draw a line? Congregations such as this, both Unitarian Universalist and other progressive denominations, have been very clear in recent years that all are welcome regardless of gender or sexual preferences. And of course we here in this room have people who identify as Christian, who practice Buddhism, and who do not ascribe to any traditional religious belief. Possibly you might feel more welcome some Sundays than others, based on the topic and the language used. We’ll talk more about this in a bit. But suppose you have no place to live? I hope you feel welcome. Suppose you had stolen a car 20 years ago but had a clean record since then. Would you be welcome? I hope so!
We have to make room for grace, for compassion, and for forgiveness of past actions.
But suppose someone checks all the usual boxes, but tends to get angry easily, or to yell at people who disagree with them? How welcome will they be? How welcome should they be?
What if someone is openly racist, or misogynist? Do we overlook that?
So as we can see, the question of how far to extend a welcome is nuanced. And our response, our decisions on how welcoming to be, has deep roots in our theological traditions, especially the traditions of Universalism. We remind each other here – sometimes I remind you – that Universalism grew out of a belief in a loving God that would never punish humans for eternity. Sometimes I shorten that and tell you that you are ‘pre-forgiven.’ And that belief is the foundation of our first principle: that we affirm the inherent worth and dignity of every person.
My dear ones, this is our hardest work, to follow this first principle. If you’re like me, you struggle to remind yourself of our belief every time you read the news these days. Does Vladimir Putin have inherent worth and dignity? How about The Former Guy – our former president?
When people tell you that it’s easy being a Unitarian Universalist because you can believe anything you want, it’s because they’ve not heard of this theological imperative. There is nothing easy about being a UU.
Now we have to take this challenge one step farther: Can we honor each other’s inherent worth, make others feel welcome among us, and still hold each other accountable?
In her response to the unfortunate Facebook post, our new Association president, the Reverend Dr. Sofia Betancourt, took the opportunity to remind us of our theological heritage. She told us, “Universalism is about personhood, not behavior — in other words, our faith makes the radical claim that everyone is born beloved, that no person is beyond the reach of Love’s embrace, and there is always the possibility of redemption and repair. But because our faith is communal and covenantal, it also calls us to directly address harm, both interpersonal and systemic.” (Facebook post, September 13, 2023.)
Born beloved. Never out of reach of Love, never out of reach of the possibility of redemption. That’s the basis for our assent to the radical premise that all have inherent worth, regardless of their actions.
And let’s not forget the second part of Reverend Sofia’s statement: our faith is communal and covenantal, and we are called to stand up to harm; to hold people who hurt others accountable.
Often we find it easier to address harm taking place outside of our church communities – the racial hatred, the harm to the planet. But too often, for the sake of trying to make everyone feel welcome, for the sake of getting along, we try to ignore damage that might take place among us.
Since we don’t have a prescribed creed, a statement of belief, to bind us together, we bind ourselves together with a covenant. We have our seven Principles as a guide for how to treat each other, and the planet. And this might feel like a paradox, but if our actions and beliefs truly are guided by Love, then we are impelled to create appropriate boundaries around actions and behavior, and speech, that will create a place of safety, where people can feel truly welcome.
Welcome takes place on two levels: the welcome we often focus on in churches – greeting visitors, offering a nametag (and I understand we are out of nametags for the moment…), inviting people to join us for refreshments, making room at the table for new faces, asking their names.
But there is a deeper form of welcome, and that is to create a sense of belonging. It’s important for a congregation, or any institution, to make sure that people have a chance to fully belong, to not just fit in.
In our story earlier, we heard about the struggles of a baby bat. She was made welcome in a bird’s nest – welcome up to a point, that is, as long as she didn’t do anything to endanger the others. Welcome, as long as she ate the food offered, and tried to conform. And so little Stellaluna tried hard, not to belong, but to fit in. Her work was to mold herself to act as much like a baby bird as she possibly could. So the little fruit bat swallowed insects, and tried to not hang by her feet, and eventually, tried to learn to fly in the daytime. She was welcome, and she tried hard to fit in. But did she truly belong?
This reminds me of an incident here at this church that took place several years ago. Folks were planning a dinner to thank volunteers, that had a very traditional set menu. And a new member asked if there could be alternatives because of her multiple dietary restrictions. And regrettably the response was that she could have salad. I was so disappointed, and I felt personally hurt as well because I have my own food intolerances. Happily, that was not the end of the story. Some of you stepped forward and offered additional food choices. I was so grateful for your kindness and your understanding. And I hoped that your kindness was enough to help the new member feel that she truly belonged, even though she could not in that situation fit in.
Our theme for the month of September is Welcome. And today I invite us to think deeply about the idea of welcome. How do we move beyond offering a nametag and coffee, to offering belonging? And at the same time, as part of the whole conversation, how do we make sure that we maintain the health and safety of the community, and hold each other accountable?
There is such an inherent tension between all these needs: the need to be seen, to feel genuinely at home. And balancing that is the need to create a safe home for each other, where we can all feel that we truly belong. To maintain this balance, we have to practice this together, every day. The way we most often practice this balancing act, that we most often develop our muscles, is by honoring each other’s religious beliefs, or the lack of them. Some Sundays there might be too much religious language for some of you, and on other Sundays, not enough for others. This is how we practice, and we learn over time that the covenant, the promise, to create healthy community together is what is most important, not the beliefs.
My friends, it is hard work that we do here. We are asked to hold on to each other, to both protect one another and to nudge each other beyond our level of comfort. We are asked to protect our own needs, and at the same time, to maintain the good health of the community by holding each other accountable for our actions. We are asked to find our way to belonging, and then to offer it to each other, and to those beyond these walls. Our poet put it this way:
“The time will come when this blessing
will ask you to leave,
not because it has tired of you
but because it desires for you
to become the sanctuary that you have found…” (Jan Richardson, A Blessing Called Sanctuary)
We are asked to offer each other grace, and the opportunity for repair when there has been harm. We do this because our theology of a Love that is greater than us all, that is never ultimately out of reach, applies to our human community of faith as well. Sofia Betancourt put it this way: “We are called to hold one another in love across a range of past mistakes, across a range of beliefs, across a range of identities and perspectives and a great many other things. We teach that there is always a path back into beloved community. But the covenant that lives at the center of our faith is grounded in love itself. And that love requires that we hold one another accountable for our actions, and that we do the work of repair when we have caused harm.”
As I close I am remembering the words to the song the choir sang for us last spring: “There is a love holding us. There is a love holding all that I love…I rest in that love.
May you rest in that Love. May you offer it to each other, and together, may we create a home of safety and true belonging.
Blessed Be.
Amen.
