Completing the Gift ©
Reverend Janet Parsons
Gloucester UU Church
November 19, 2023
The poet Mary Oliver gave us this poem, called The Gift:
Be still, my soul, and steadfast.
Earth and heaven both are still watching
though time is draining from the clock
and your walk, that was confident and quick,
has become slow.
So, be slow if you must, but let
the heart still play its true part.
Love still as once you loved, deeply
and without patience. Let God and the world
know you are grateful. That the gift has been given. (In Devotions, 2020)
I’ll begin this morning by asking you a question: if someone gives you a gift, offers you generosity, and you aren’t grateful for it, did you truly receive a gift?
We shared the story last week of a local farmer who found herself with a bumper crop of serviceberries during the pandemic, and invited all her neighbors to come and pick them for free. It was a lovely and generous thing to do. And there were likely people who said, “No thanks, those are too tart for me,” or “Darn, these rotted before I had a chance to do anything with them, oh, well.” While people such as those were offered generosity, offered a gift, they did not actually receive it, because they weren’t truly grateful.
I came upon a heartfelt essay from a writer and dharma teacher named Sallie Jiko Tisdale. She told the story of how, as a young woman, she had almost nothing. She lived communally, and slept on a porch. Finding a sweater from Goodwill, or being given a sandwich, were always important events for her, gifts that she celebrated and was grateful for. And in return she was generous. Sallie told the story of how she once was down to her last $5.00 and took a friend out for dinner. This must have been quite some time ago. But Sallie was living in such a way that she was constantly aware of all the gifts she received just as she needed them, and it made her much more likely to act the same way; to give what she had freely.
But Sallie became aware of how she changed as she acquired more. “Now,” she wrote, “I have a house and a car and a savings account, and I am not so generous. I do give—my money, my time, my attention— but sometimes I give reluctantly, with a little worry… I have more things to lose.”
Sallie went on to say, “Gratitude, the simple and profound feeling of being thankful, is the foundation of all generosity. I am generous when I believe that right now, right here, in this form and this place, I am myself being given what I need. Generosity requires that we relinquish something, and this is impossible if we are not glad for what we have. Otherwise the giving hand closes into a fist and won’t let go.” (Sallie Jiko Tisdale, As if there is nothing to lose, http://integral-options.blogspot.com/2010/09/sallie-jiko-tisdale-as-if-there-is.html)
“Generosity requires that we relinquish something, and this is impossible if we are not glad for what we have.”
Are we generous if we can give something away without caring? Without appreciating the importance of the gift?
And, as I asked earlier, can we be genuinely grateful to receive a gift if we don’t notice the generosity behind it?
The connection between generosity and gratitude is a profound one, and it is an important topic right now for Unitarian Universalists. The question of how we define the two values – generosity and gratitude – and their connection arose last spring at our UU General Assembly. As you may remember, we are nearing the conclusion of a several-year process to update our Association by-laws, and the primary focus has been on replacing our seven Principles. As an aside, that effort has surprised a great many people, but the Principles were never intended to exist untouched forever. We pride ourselves on upholding Unitarian Universalism as a living tradition, meaning that we embrace efforts to evolve and respond to the demands of the changing times in which we live. Here in the 21st century we feel called to be as inclusive as possible in our language, to make room for more voices and more identities. We also, as I have pointed out on occasion, in the 1980’s version of our Principles, failed to ever mention Love. And so a new framework has been created, that names six core values, with Love as the seventh primary value at the center.
I’m sure you are wondering what the values are. For the record, although I dislike reciting lists, they are: Interdependence, Equity, Justice, Pluralism, Transformation, and Generosity.
Yes, Generosity. The inclusion of this value surprised some people. This led a group of participants at General Assembly last June to propose amending that value to Gratitude instead. Gratitude, people believed, is such an important spiritual practice, that it should be considered a higher value than Generosity, and should be named as one of Unitarian Universalism’s core expressions of our faith and beliefs. And of course, they are not wrong. Anyone who practices gratitude in their daily living has a solid foundation for a spiritual life. Gratitude is critical to our spiritual health and well-being. But does it replace Generosity?
The vice-chair of the Article 2 Commission, the Reverend Cheryl Walker, spoke to this question. She noted that the Commission had talked a great deal about gratitude, but that it came to them that the ultimate goal of gratitude is generosity.
The ultimate goal of gratitude is generosity. In other words, generosity is a higher value than gratitude. But why?
Reverend Walker went on to say that if she is merely grateful for what she has, and is not in turn generous with her time and her love of our faith, then her gratitude would simply be an exercise in individualism. However, if her gratitude calls her to extend her blessings to the world, that is called generosity. (https://www.uua.org/ga/off-site/2023/business/iii)
In other words, gratitude calls on to us to respond with generous hearts. To reciprocate, to offer our own gifts in response.
What the Article 2 Commission came to understand is that we cannot simply replace Generosity with Gratitude. The two work hand in hand, in a symbiotic relationship. By recognizing the connections between the two values, we can build the presence of both in our own lives, always one in response to the other, giving, receiving with gratitude, and then giving back.
Here at Thanksgiving we are called to expand our vision; our sense of generosity, and look beyond mere charity. Let’s ask ourselves instead: how well do we love? How grateful are we for the gift of our lives?
“So, be slow if you must,” wrote the poet,
“but let the heart still play its true part.
Love still as once you loved, deeply
and without patience. Let God and the world
know you are grateful. That the gift has been given.”
The poet asks us to lead with our hearts, and no matter what, to do so throughout our lives. To live in a way that generosity and gratitude are deeply intertwined within us, so that we almost cannot distinguish the one from the other. To give thanks for all the gifts of life, and to offer our own blessings in return. Not just today, not just on Thanksgiving, but for our entire lives.
“Let God and the world know you are grateful. That the gift has been given.”
Blessed Be.
Amen.
