November 10, 2019 Sermon: Choosing Attention in an Era of Distraction
Rev. Sue Koehler-Arsenault, Guest Preacher

Martha’s of today, you who are worried and distracted by many things, and all of us,
consider Mary, who sat at the feet of Jesus and listened to what he was saying.
She has — and we can — consciously choose where to direct our attention.

Today’s reading from the Gospel of Luke is one many of us are familiar with. Usually it is interpreted to suggest that Mary’s way, the way of prayer, is superior to Martha’s way of service. However, you are invited to view this reading in another way – as an invitation to consider how you can be conscious of using one of your most precious gifts,
the gift of your attention, for love.

As my husband could affirm, one of my greatest peeves is seeing a couple or a family out at a restaurant, seated together around the table, with their faces in their phones.
Though it confuses me why a couple would go out on a date, yet be distracted by whatever is on their phones; I nearly become undone when I see parents on their phones when there are children at the table. One morning last summer at Nate’s in Rockport, Mom and Dad were on their phones while their three small children, all likely under the age of 7, were getting super squirrely, clearly looking for their parent’s attention. About a week later, at the Gloucester House, I noticed Mom and Dad out with their teenage son sitting on the deck overlooking the beautiful harbor and all three were on their phones. A few weeks after that, my husband and I were traveling to Lake George for a wedding and stopped for lunch at a lakeside restaurant on a pristine day. Sitting on a deck below us, I noticed Mom, Dad, and two kids – Mom was interacting with the kids, while Dad was distracted by the cell phone he had on his lap, in an apparent attempt to be circumspect about his behavior.

What I wonder is – what is the thought process that goes into this behavior? Is it even conscious?? Probably not.

Over the last number of decades, we have seen the emergence of the “Attention Economy.” News sources from Facebook to Google, to CNN, Fox, the New York Times, and even NPR, are all online – ready and financially incentivized to provide us with 24/7 access to the news. Video games, once played with friends or family at home on the tv, can now be played with people around the world at anytime – day or night – on personal devices that don’t require us to interact with others in person. With sophisticated psychological tactics to keep us hooked, attention merchants are doing all they can to compete for the scarce and lucrative resource called human attention.

Writing about online platforms in his book, “The Attention Merchants” Tim Wu contends that “Their business model, is to pull us in with free content, striving to secure us in a state of distractibility—when we are most susceptible to advertising— and harvest this attention for commercial exploitation.”
Jennie Zie adds, “The dynamics of (the attention) economy incentivizes them to create new ways to ensnare users into a pattern of compulsive scrolling and clicking.”
It used to be that if we wanted to get the news, we turned our televisions or radios on at certain times of the day. We might have read a local newspaper over breakfast or in the evening. Now, with smartphones, some of us are looking at the ever-present “Breaking News” before our feet even hit the floor first thing in the morning. Since the 2016 election, for many of us, our news habits have intensified as we try to stay current with the latest developments, often desperately hoping that we would at last read that one article that would indicate that our side, whatever our side is, would have the final word. Heck, you can’t even pump gas at the local Shell station without being bombarded by more news and ads.
And by all apparent observations, we have someone in the White House who seems to do everything in his power to draw our attention to him.
The question is, how conscious are we of how we use our attention? Are we giving our attention away, unconsciously driven by fear, boredom or anxiety, or are we making a clear, conscious choice to use our attention wisely, to use our attention for love?
Wu believes we are living through an “attentional crisis,” and what’s at stake is how we spend our waking hours—“the very nature of our lives.” He says that “It boils down to a matter of autonomy, of who we allow to have ownership over our consciousness. We must act, individually and collectively, to make our attention our own again, and so reclaim ownership of the very experience of living.”
Chris Bailey puts it this way, “We are what we pay attention to.” (2x)
As a culture, our attention is being hijacked. Do we even realize how powerful the precious, limited gift of our attention can be? Consider the lesson of one of the great stories of faith – Moses and the burning bush. It was when Moses “turned aside” to pay attention to the burning bush and God saw that Moses was paying attention, that God revealed God’s loving nature to Moses as One who sees, listens and knows Moses and his people. In other words, God is One who pays attention.
Reflecting on the spiritual practice of paying attention, Lawrence Kushner notes, “God wanted to find out if Moses could pay attention to something for more than a few minutes. When Moses did, God spoke.” He goes on “The trick is to pay attention to what is going on around you long enough to behold the miracle without falling asleep. There is another world, right here within this one, whenever we pay attention.”
It’s when we give our attention, our full presence and attention whether to God, another person, our beautiful earth, a work of art, the homeless person on the street, or just about anyone or anything, that love has the potential to grow.
Like many people today, I met my beloved online. It’s true. Match.com in 2005. We had a warm, witty, and thoughtful email exchange for a couple of weeks. But as good as those emails were, nothing could have prepared me for how it would feel to sit across the table at Starbucks in our local Barnes and Noble and to look into his eyes. Nothing could have prepared me for what it felt like to be beheld with his warm, loving presence. To be listened to attentively.
And our story is like every story I have ever heard from the nearly 300 couples whose weddings I have been blessed to officiate. It’s when we are offering our full presence and attention to another person that bonds of the heart arise.
Zen Buddhist teacher John Tarrant points out “Attention is the most basic form of love. Through it, we bless and are blessed.”
The key to loving relationships is attention, which is what Mary, in today’s Gospel reading, was giving Jesus. And what we can presume, he was giving her. Can you imagine Jesus visiting you at home, scrolling through his Facebook feed or asking you to repeat what you said, distracted and distant, as if wishing he was with someone else? As the embodiment of love itself, Jesus offered his full presence and attention to anyone and everyone who called on his name, who was in need of his mercy and compassion, who was in his company.
Attention is the heart of every healthy relationship. It is how we show we care; it is what we need and desire. Without it, no relationship, no matter how strong, can survive for long.
Attention is also crucial for children’s development. Child development expert Erika Christakis writes about the dangers of distracted parenting. In the early 2010s, researchers in Boston observed 55 caregivers with one or more children in fast-food restaurants. Forty of the adults were absorbed with their phones to varying degrees, some almost entirely ignoring the children. Many of the children began to make bids for attention, which were frequently ignored – which is what I saw at Nate’s last summer.
A follow-up study brought 225 mothers and their 6-year-old children into a familiar setting as each parent and child were given foods to try. A quarter of the mothers spontaneously used their phone, and those who did initiated substantially fewer verbal and nonverbal interactions with their child.
Christaskis contents that distracted adults grow irritable when their phone use is interrupted; they not only miss emotional cues but actually misread them. A tuned-out parent, she noticed, may be quicker to anger than an engaged one, assuming that a child is trying to be manipulative when, in reality, she just wants attention.
There is nothing more important we can give each other, especially our kids, than our attention when we are together.
A few years ago, DisneyWorld executives were wondering what most captured the attention of toddlers and infants. So they hired Kare Anderson to observe them as they passed by all the costumed cast members, animated creatures, twirling rides, sweet-smelling snacks, and colorful toys. What do you think most captured their attention??
Well, after a couple of hours of close observation, Anderson realized that what most captured the young children’s attention wasn’t Disney-conjured magic. Instead, it was their parents’ cell phones, especially when the parents were using them.
Anderson writes, “Those kids clearly understood what held their parents’ attention — and they wanted it too.”
Just as giving our attention to someone is a sign of love; what message might children receive about who they are from those who are supposed to love them but do not give them attention when they are together??
Simone Weil saw a deep connection between our capacity for paying attention and our capacity for prayer. “Prayer consists of attention,” she said, “It is the orientation of all the attention of which the soul is capable toward God. The quality of attention counts for much in the quality of the prayer.”
The uniquely wise Barbara Brown Taylor offers this insight: “Prayer … is waking up to the presence of God no matter where I am or what I am doing. When I am fully alert to whatever or whoever is right in front of me; when I am electrically aware of the tremendous gift of being alive; when I am able to give myself wholly to the moment I am in, then I am in prayer. Prayer is happening, and it is not necessarily something that I am doing. God is happening, and I am lucky enough to know that I am in The Midst.”

What would happen in your life if first thing in the morning you spent time in prayer, giving attention to God to ground your day?
Think about how much time during an average day you actually spend giving your attention to screens. What would might happen in your life if you took some of that time and gave it to what is most sacred and holy to you instead? How might your consciousness shift – how might you grow less anxious, more centered, and more compassionate, if you gave yourself the gift Mary gave herself – of daily sitting at the feet of Jesus? Or Buddha? Or Mother Nature?
How good would it feel to take a break from the incessant chatter of breaking news?
How good would it feel to allow your consciousness to marinate in the presence of God, the presence of the holy rather than the latest outrage? What would it mean to step away from those things that most distract you, to give you more space for reflection, for creativity, for community, for face to face encounters with the holy – whether it be the holy you find in the face of a beloved parent, spouse, child, friend, or pet?
Attention is the most basic form of prayer and of love. May you be conscious of how you are using the precious, limited gift of your attention.
Video
Amen.

Unison Prayer (by Ann Hillman, pronouns adapted)
We are all on a journey together…
To the center of the universe…
Look deep into myself, into another.
It is to a center which is everywhere
That is the holy journey…
First we need only look:
Notice and honor the radiance of everything about us…
Play in this universe. Then all these shining things around us:
The smallest plant, the creature and the objects in our care.
Be gentle and nurture. Listen…
As we experience and accept all that we really are…
We grow in care.
We begin to embrace others as ourselves,
and learn to live as one among many. Amen.
Closing Hymn: #345 With Joy We Claim the Growing Light

 

 

 

 

 

Benediction – From pulpit

This Benediction is an excerpt from Fra Giovanni’s 1513 Letter to a Friend:

There is nothing I can give you which you have not;
But there is much, very much, that while I cannot give, You can take.
No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today. Take heaven!
No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present instant. Take peace!
The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach is joy. Take joy!
There is a radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see,
and to see we have only to look. I beseech you to look!
As you go forward this week, may you be conscious of how you are using the previous, limited gift of your attention for love. Amen!!

 

Song of Parting

Unison Extinguishing the Chalice. (words printed in order of service. Worship Associate goes down to extinguish the flame while you lead them in the unison words.)

Postlude

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